


It's The Fic Where Bro And Lord English Make Out

by Zivlok



Series: Rewind [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Homestuck - Freeform, M/M, bro x lord english, crackfic, how can you expect to out me, when i am already queer?, wow that ended up being less cracky than i expected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-06
Updated: 2012-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-30 16:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/334000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zivlok/pseuds/Zivlok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Does what it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's The Fic Where Bro And Lord English Make Out

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

 

Yeah, yeah, everyone says that, but it _really_ wasn't supposed to shake out like this. Three civilizations destroyed (well, one was destroyed twice), countless beings murdered, and two _universes_ exploded, but it was all worth it, because finally, peace was to be found.  Unfortunately, the Scratch had a catch.

 

Hmmm... scratch-had-a-catch. That's not a bad rhyme. I'll have to remember that one.

 

Anyway, some aliens, along with the parents (and I guess also children/siblings? I dunno) of me and my friends used the Scratch to start our session, and met us there. Together, we were unstoppable.  I mean, shit, we were _amazing_.  We were fast.  Too fast.  No, no, we didn't rush anything, we made that stupid frog again just fine, and everyone, okay, _almost_ everyone hit God Tier, and, well, we pretty much just kicked that game's ass.  But it turns out that even a video game that has the power to create _universes_ can have bugs, and glitches.  You see, sometimes the simplest things can bring down the most complex of programs.  If just one particularly shaped piece of data gets in that the program didn't expect, and if that data manages to seep in to to places where it shouldn't be, blocking the correct data, who the hell knows what could happen.  It could be something like a click in the wrong area, or a word, or even a timecode.

 

So, there we were, all seventeen of us, fresh from defeating the Gray Monarch (of ambiguous gender), and our prize was ready for us to claim, when suddenly Dave, my older (younger?) brother (son? father?), started freaking out.

 

"I don't mean to spoil everyone's interspecies-makeouts or anything, but I've suddenly got a really bad feeling about this and _yes I know that I really did just say that unironically shut up Lalonde._ Lalondes. Whatever."

 

Long story short, we didn't listen to him.  I mean, we did, for a bit, but he couldn't properly explain _why_ he felt apprehension, and what the hell else were we supposed to do? The game was over. We had won.  It was time for us to claim our prize and enter our new world.  The final universe.  The end of the chain.

 

And we did.

 

But it wasn't a new world. Not really.

 

And it definitely wasn't final.  Not if I have anything to say about it.

 

====-====

 

You see, Dave had a good reason to be freaked out about something.  He always did have an uncanny sense of time.  You remember when I told you about how the smallest piece of data could bring down even the most complex of programs?  It turns out that at the moment we slew the Gray Monarch we were 4 days, 13 hours, 6 minutes, and 12 seconds into our session. 

 

I told you we were fast.

 

Some process running in the background of the universe recorded this timecode, and normally that data would have just been stored, for, I dunno, a high-score table? Data analysis?  Are there possibly beings above our realm of comprehension who need user stats, to balance the playing difficulty of the universe or whatever?  I don't even want to think about that.  But instead of taking up space on some pan-dimensional hard drive or being made into the spreadsheet that runs all existences, those particular numbers freaked the system the hell out.  It's no one's fault, really - programs, like ectobiology, are tricky things.  That's what bug testing is all about - you never know what combination of seemingly random and unrelated scenarios and datae will cause an adverse reaction.

 

But for some reason, thinking back on it, I get the strange feeling that maybe this wasn't an accident.  Maybe this wasn't a glitch.  Maybe it was intended.

 

But that really doesn't matter now.

 

 

====-====

 

 

So, that's how I ended up here: Universe _i_.  As in the square root of negative one.  You know how in old school games like the original Mario, or the first couple Pokemon games, you could glitch yourself into a strange area of the game, made up of random bits of previously used code?  Negative world, or Glitch zone, or whatever?  This is the universe we ended up in.  But here's the thing about those glitchy areas of video games - they only look glitchy if you've actually played the game in its functioning state.  But if the only Pokemon you've ever encountered was Missingno, you'd take it for granted that all Pokemon looked like vaguely phallic blocky shapes.  And for some reason, I'm the only one that remembers that Pokemon actually look like vaguely phallic blocky shapes with giant eyes and some shitty pun as a name.

 

So here I am - every day I have to go out and exist in this society, and I'm the ONLY ONE who sees how fucked up it is.  The moons.  The way streets are laid out.  Her Delirious Conksucksion.  Even indoor plumbing didn't make it through the... the whatever happened to us.  It wasn't a Scratch.  Not really.  And I've long since given up hope that this is a doomed timeline, and relatively soon, all this would vanish.  But it many ways it was a reset of some sort, or more accurately, a rewind.  The kind that messes up your tape.  You know how the places of Ancestors and Younglings switch in the case of a Scratch?  Well, with our, yeah, let's call it a Rewind, we all got switched back to our original factory settings.  No longer Dirk Strider, I am now once again Bro, the faceless automaton.

 

And I am alone.

 

 

====-====

 

 

Well, not truly alone.  Now I have you. 

 

Mmmmmm, you do know how treat a boy right, don't you?

 

Mmmmm...

 

Yesssssssssssss

 

Ahem.  There's plenty more of that where it came from, but I need to finish telling you this.  Where was I?

 

Ah, right, Alone.  Well, we both know that's not strictly true, but, present company excluded, I wish it was.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to see your best friends, your family, and have most of them not remember you at all, and NONE of them remember everything you all had been through?  I've put a lot of thought into why I remember when no one else does.  I've also spent a lot of time wondering if maybe what I "remember" never happened.  Maybe this insanity truly is perfectly normal.  But, no, I must believe that everything I _know_ we went through truly happened - there really is no Alterniative.  Sorry, alternative.  Post-Rewind Dave has this terrible habit of making _incredibly_ shitty puns, and I fear it's been wearing off on me.

 

Anyway, I think I may have figured out why I remember the little I do, when everyone else remebers nothing.  You see, I was the only one who didn't hit God Tier.  We all planned it so we could lie on our Quest Beds, fall peacefully asleep, and be killed instantly and painlessly, so when we woke up - BAM - God Tier.  But I... I just couldn't do it.  It just felt... wrong, somehow, sacrificing one of my selves, a real, full, living person, so that my other self could get cool clothes and some extra powers.  Even though both persons were really the same person, it still felt like murder, and I... I just didn't have the heart to kill him.  And in the end, I think that saved me.  Somehow, still having that Dream Self, that extra life, allowed me to retain some of the memories of all that had happened prior.  While I'm glad I wasn't wiped like everyone else, it would have been easier if I was, you know?

 

And cruelly, I wasn't even allowed to remember everything.  Statistics, minutaie, all the pointless details and banal facts of our trials remain crystal clear in my head.  But anything dealing with emotions is fuzzy, including the people and things that were the objects of those emotions.  The stronger the emotion, the fuzzier the memory.  And there was one hole in particular that stood out in my memory.  I knew that I had lost something, someone, important, so important.  I spent days willing myself to remember, and it was always there, just beyond my reach.  I became desperate.  I tried everything to increase my memory - grub oil pills, meditation, electrosock therapy, you name it.  But finally, after weeks of searching myself, I was able to claw one tiny piece of information from the void in my own skull - a name.

 

English.

 

 

====-====

 

 

And that's how I ended up here with you, my love.  You weren't exactly hard to find.  And you didn't look quite like I thought you would, but - no, no, don't be upset!

 

I... I like the way you look.  I could spend hours staring into your eyes, watching the colors flash by, I could write sonnets, or at the very least truly ill raps about the dimples on your cheeks, the alluring curve of your teeth, and ohhhhh that leg of yours! The things I would do that leg...  You're beautiful to me, English.  I mean that, truly, sincerely, and with all my heart.

 

Now why don't we go put that pool table to a better use?

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I did NOT expect that to end up the way I did. And it included far less make-outs than I anticipated. For those who wanted nitty-gritty details on how Post-Rewind Bro and Lord English would make out, I apologize. I ended up mostly trapping myself out that kind of description with the narrative style I was using - you can't really carry a conversation/monologue whilst kissing, so, you're just going to have to let those "mmmmms" and your imagination suffice for now.
> 
> I really didn't expect for this to be as, well, "normal" as it was. Like, actually giving reasons for why this was happening. And it wouldn't have happened if the prompt I was given (more on that later) was Dirk/LE. But it was Bro/LE, and when someone says "Bro", I think only of "Bro", NOT "Dirk". So, I had to invent some way for Bro to be aware of/still in love with Jake, but also be some variation of Pre-scratch Dirk. And then the entire above story happened. I'm sorry.
> 
> As for that prompt I mentioned, I put out a call on tumblr for cracky/silly ships and scenarios, and I said I would make them happen, in some form or another. I expected this to be a really quick process, making stupid short smutty stories about improbably characters having sloppy make-outs and what not, but the idea of a Glitched session grabbed me and would not let ago. And I've already started world-building in my head what Universe i looks like and how it's different and stuff. Which is a shame because I will (hopefully) never write in this universe again! Ah, well.
> 
> If you want to follow me on tumblr or suggest something: http://pantslesswrock.tumblr.com/post/17141666561/i-am-in-a-silly-mood-give-me-the-silliest-crackiest
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
